I Surrender (The Official Moving Announcement)

You know what?
That's it. I'm done. I can't keep on writing double posts and moving entries and comments forever, so please...

The design needs some serious and urgent improving, but all 2004 posts (though not all comments) and all of this month's posts are already there, and I can't see why you shouldn't be there as well.

There would be http://herebesubtlety.com and that's also the link you should use when you update your blogroll or links. (Given that you link to me, which honestly... why shouldn't you?)

So, if you would like to leave me a kind comment, do it here.
It's a work in progress, but I'm spending all my evenings working as fast as I can and I wouldn't exactly mind a little patting my back from time to time.

I won't update this site anymore or at least I won't promise I will. But I hope I will see you at Here Be Subtlety.

Season Finale Anticipation Part I - The Aftermath

I didn’t shout, but I do have teary eyes still and am wishing it would be September already.

Honestly, I think Rob Thomas just attempted to kill me. Geez.

Now, when exactly can I buy the DVDs?

Season Finale Anticipation Part I

I made myself a gigantic sandwich. Now I'm going to pour a big glass of Orangina and then head to the couch and watch the season finale of Veronica Mars.

I guess that in about 45 minutes I will be shouting at my television with teary eyes and wishing it was September already. I'm torturing myself with TV shows. Another proof that something with me isn't quite normal.

That's How Much I Love You

So, If you were wondering, I am indeed moving my blog.
I registered a new domain. The name will be secret until I have set up everything nicely .
Then I uploaded all the Wordpress files and now I'm moving all my stuff over there.

Yeah.

It was supposed to be an easy routine, but somehow it didn't really work and I couldn't just transfer my entries from Blogger to Wordpress. So now, I'm doing it all by myself. Entry by entry. Carefully paying attention to every damn unimportant detail (in other words: timestamps).

I'm also moving all my comments via copy and paste and I don't even want to think about how insane that is.

But that's how much I love you. You and your comments.

...and my blog.

Unconscious Mutterings - Paul Simon Strikes Twice

1. Android - Robot
   
2. Revenge - Vengeance
   
3. Knight - in Shining Armor
   
4. Stranded - in a Limousine
   
5. Weakness - Don't let them blind you
   
6. Greed - Seven
   
7. Walter - Where is Waldo? (Do you know the books? And aren't they great?)
   
8. Dense - Thick
   
9. Sheep - Sleep (rhymes and makes sense!)
   
10. Propane - Yeah, whatever
    

Again, you can take part and have a lot of fun... just click here.

Throwing Money Out The Window (Not Literally And Not Really)

What made me order FIVE books today? Five! As in.. you know, FIVE!

On the other side I can only read so fast, so it just means that I might not need to order books any time soon (meaning: the next three or four weeks).

Just so you can share my anticipation of the next amazon packages to come, here's what I ordered today (in one of the moments when I definitely wasn't thinking clearly):

Father Frank by Paul Burke (because we saw it in a bookshop and the synapsis on the back sounded just great)
Circus of the Damned by Laurell K. Hamilton (because volume 11 of the series is on my reasing list and somehow I have to read all the other books before)
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
Saul and Patsy by Charles Baxter
Pompeii by Robert Harris
The last three are all on my reading list.

At the moment I'm still reading 'Oryx and Crake' by Margaret Atwood. It's very strange and somehow frightening. I can't believe I haven't read anything written by her before (anything mostly referring to 'A Handmaid's Tale'). It's never too late, though.

Sunday Random Thoughts

Today I'm strangely obsessed with my hair. I think it's because it looked so perfect today that I just can't get over it. I am one of those 'I have no control over my hair' people which isn't usually so bad because the worst that can happen is that my hair looks boring instead of great, but sometimes I wish I knew the trick some people seem to know and just be able to do something different with my hair every day.

And yes, I watch too much TV and somehow I still believe that those people in my TV did whatever they did by themselves and not had it done by some hair stylist each and every morning. So, why can't I?

Maybe that was also the reason that today I stood marvelling at that specially for brunette shampoo which I absolutely need to own, but (what did I expect?) costs 8 Euro a bottle. Yeah, right. But the commercials are so great...

And yes, I firmly believe in commercials. I also believe that you should reward good commercials and punish bad ones. That's why stopped buying that one yoghurt I really liked because I just couldn't go on buying a product when they hired (meaning: paid) some celebrity I hated to appear in the commercials. I haven't bought anything I knew I wouldn't like just because the commercial was great yet, but I thought about it and I just might do it someday. I decided that if I can be manipulated by the media I'd just as well surrender voluntarily. My understanding of dignity in a really strange world.

Which reminds me of the vegetarian thing I was wondering about for some time. See, we were at this 'Reformhaus' several times (sue me, but I don't know the English word for that and I am too tired to look it up) and they had all this vegetarian food that was pretty much meat-substitude. The thing that bugs me is that it says so. The actual slogan on the box was 'Just like meat'.
Now, I have never been a vegetarian and I think I would make a really bad one, but what I don't get about this is the following: If I decide to live without meat for reasons of health and/or respect for animals (I like the second reason a lot better and must honestly say that it is the only reason that makes sense to me, despite allergies)... so if I decide that I want to do without, why would I want to eat something that isn't meat but tastes just like it. Isn't that just a little but hypocritical?
Maybe I'm too cruel on vegetarians, but isn't the idea (or at least part of it) the act of foregoing, and doesn't eating some fake meat somehow contradict that idea?*

And now for something completely different, the fun fact of the day.
I noticed that I can wear pink. I look great in pink. Isn't that just awesomely scary?
It's also strange that it took me 24 years to discover that pink is one of the colors I look really good in, but then again I mixed red, pink and purple clothes when I was like five. In other words: I wasn't (and am still not) exactly a fashion expert.
I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I'm a halfway snowwhite type. Halfway, because my hair is not black, but brown and my skin is not white-palish but more rosy-palish (and sometimes you-look-sick-palish), but all in all I'm close. So I already know that I red and black looks good on me and now I notice pink is great as well.

Which basically means that I've been wearing all the wrong colors for the last 24 years and need to clean out my wardrobe and get new clothes.
Out goes the money. Well, it always does, so that's not really news.

Now, that I've emptied my brain I'll make it a clear cut and just go to bed.
Good night. Me, I'll have one.


*Please notice that I am in awe of people that can truly live vegetarian, because I could never be so disciplined and I adore that. But as far as I know the vegetarians I know don't buy fake meat products. Tofu, maybe, but no fake 'tastes-just-like' meat.

Thinking About Moving

I have been thinking about moving my blog every now and then during the past few months. The most important reason why I would want to move is that I'd like to work with a system that's more flexible than blogger. I also would like to be able to include categories for my posts and a few things more I can't do with blogger.

I now might be close to actually 'doing' it. Since I have to get a little more into designing with CSS for work anyway I thought that it might also be the time to play around with my blog and make it just as fantastic (at least concerning the design) as all the other blogs I see out there.

So, does anyone have any advice for me about where to move (I'm flirting with WordPress right now) and how to do it right? I don't want to lose any of my posts and I would also hate to lose my comments (I'd rather retype then by hand), yeah, that's the scary part of moving my blog. Plainly spoken: I'd hate to fuck it up.
Any advice is welcomed here.

Also, I am going to register a new domain for that matter. I haven't thought about a name yet, so if you have a creative burst and know just the right name for my blog, feel free to tell me.

I'd love to hear your ideas!

More Fun Facts About Me

I just realized that I am not a chooser. I don't like to choose.
I'd rather have someone else do the choosing and then say 'no'.

Yeah, when I said that I wasn't complicated? There are always exceptions to the rule.

Commercial Break

Okay, I'm just watching 'About A Boy' and I was thinking...

If I wasn't married already to a cute German boy I would absolutely go for a British guy. I am thinking Hugh Grant or Robbie Williams or Alan Rickman (okay, Alan might be a little too old, but he could read me the white pages and I'd be in heaven).

See, I am not even that picky.

You Know He Loves You When...

He comes home and brings you this:


Just because he thinks you need a new one. Which I did, but I thought in terms of soon as in June.

So this one (see exhibit B below) can go away. Forever.


My life is literally brighter now.

If I Could Take Part I Would Be A Happier Person

So I just discovered this CD-mix swapping thing, because srah takes part and posted her tracklist and just when I decided that I would love to take part I read that for the moment it's limited to people living in the US or in Canada.

What? I make great mixes! I would love to get some! And are you aware that the postal fees here are much higher for oversea shipping that they are over there.

But still I thought that there might be people reading my blog AND living in the US or Canada AND wanting to take part in such a thing, so I decided that even though this experience is not yet for me, I might at least link to it on my blog. Somehow I think I can at least do that.

Check it out and maybe you think it could be fun, too.

Is Dr. Phil Around?

I really need to have this thing checked out.
I just had a wild coughing fit under the shower and I can still feel it trying to start again and it's not funny.
I have the doctor's appointment on June, 2nd and they're going to ultrasound my thyroid gland. How fantastically weird is that? I believe that after that there's not much they can check out.
I've had my lungs x-rayed and a doctor shove a tube through my nose into my esophagus (try to avoid that if you can, because it's just as icky as it sounds) and nobody found anything. I'm counting on my thyroid gland now. As strange as it may sound, I just want to know that something is wrong with them, because then I would be able to do something against it. Right now I'm just having coughing fits and I have no clue where they come from. I really need some part of my body to point the finger.

'So it is you have been bugging me for the last three days, huh? Had your fun for a long time, didn't you? Well, it's over now, honey, that much I can tell ya. O-vah. For good.'


PS: I had to look up all the medical terms. Although I am smart I'm not a genius. Or a doctor. Or both. The German terms are Schilddrüse and Speiseröhre. Cute, huh?

Jamie Gets Interviewed Part II

Srah asked:
1. What's your favorite food to make? To eat?
2. What would be your ideal job, and why?
3. Tell us about your worst travelling experience.
4. What do you like best about yourself? (Feel free to make a long, train of thought list)
5. Tell us about something you bought and later regretted.

1. To make... well, I usually like to try out new things, which is why I subscribed to a cooking magazine and eagerly await it each month. (And once again I'd like to stress that I am not kidding.)
I love to make cakes, because it's just a whole lot of fun. But I don't bake a cake too often because I don't know who would eat it if I did.
I make a mean pasta salad as well. Anyone care for the recipe?
To eat... that really depends. I love sushi, that's for sure, so that'd maybe be it. I also like fried noodles with vegetables and chicken and the pasta salad I mentioned before. I especially like food that I can play with.

2. If I only knew. At the moment I am content where I am, working as a software engineer with additional foreign languages involved tasks. I sometimes dream of being a teacher, but I'm not exactly sure if that would be the perfect job for me. If money wasn't the problem I'd just say working as a dolphin trainer. Just because I think that would be really cool. Or with seals.

3. That would most likely be the school trip to Italy. Mostly because I felt out of place most of the time. It wasn't really bad, but it wasn't good either and I really can't remember any really bad trips I made. I am also too influenced by holidays in France to find Italy especially interesting. Go France.

4. I always sound arrogant when I say something like this, but I really like that I am smart. Yeah, I know. But on the other side I think I can say that without feeling too bad.
But I also like that I am not complicated and hardly ever moody. You usually have to fuck up big style to get me annoyed and you on my shit list. (I think it's fair to mention that there are few totally random little things that will get you on my shit list immediately. And most times I don't even know what they are until it has already happened.) But in general I am very easy to get along with.
I try to not to make this list too long, but I would also like to add that I like my very good taste in music. I am just really happy to have that.

5. When I was cover-CD-shopping in New York (meaning I bought CDs only because of their cover) I made one bad choice and ended up with a Hard-Rock-Death-Metal-Whatever CD I never listened to. I wonder where it is now. But I think considering the loads of CDs I bought there it could have been worse.
There are also some clothes (most bought on flea markets or at H&M) that I hardly ever wore. But I can also say that now I hardly ever buy something I won't wear. It seems that I'm still able to learn from my mistakes. I made it a rule not to buy anything at H&M, because this is where most of the never-wore-again clothes came from.


Since this is a meme, you can take part in this wonderful fun, too. If you're interested in being interviewed by me, here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. They will be different questions than the ones above.
3. You will update YOUR blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Adding To The Housewife Image

I think I may take courses to learn how to sew.
Then I'll be able to sew my own clothes or at least repair the torn ones I've got and woould like to wear again one day.

And then I will start to learn how to make quilts.

The thing is, I'm really not kidding.

Where Did My Week Go?

No, seriously, where? Because I don't remember having one.
I think I must have some spare time because I remember being amazed by the two latest episodes of Veronica Mars and finishing Emma and the third volume of the Dark Tower series, but apart from that... there's not much.

I also remember going to see my aunt with my parents and my husband and I do remember spending the whole Sunday afternoon outside and enjoying the first of May being a perfect summer day, but I also think that's where I left my weekend.

I also remember ideas for writing for the blog, but as it is they all went with my week. Or they're just spending some time outside because the weather outside? Is amazing.

That much said... what the hell am I doing inside? Because as some of you might remember, we do indeed have a balcony. One that's filling up with herbs for that matter and will be very soon filling up with colorful flowers.

Yes, that's my reason for again not saying anything amazingly interesting. The weather here has turned from constant raining to no-jacket-required and bright sun shining.

And we do have a balcony.
Facing south.

Excuse Me, But When Did That All Happen?

I have trouble organizing my life right now, so please excuse the short ransom posts and be prepared for a lot more of that sort to come. I just can't sit down a write a real long blog entry right now.

But let me tell you this... I think it was yesterday on my way home that I suddenly had these thoughts (again) about how happy and how incredibly lucky I am. I wrote about that before (but am too lazy too find and link the entry), about realizing that my life has been always going right.

Lately I was thinking about it again. I guess it's a little bit because of the wedding. Another big thing in my life that just went smoothly and made me all happy. And here I am, married to a wonderful sweet man at 24, living in our lovely apartment and having a job I actually really like. I wonder what will come next. Because I know that somehow I had a thing to say with all the good things that happened to me it also feels like it all was just handed to me to enjoy and I wonder if it comes so easy for everybody.
I guess not.

And then I remember these lyrics...

Some folks' lives roll easy as a breeze
Drifting through a summer night
Heading for a sunny day

Geek Much?

Am I the only one who immediately calls her parents if there's a question on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' that either mom or dad could (or most likely WILL) answer?

Because that's what I do. Always.

And might I just add that I therefore know for sure that both my mother and my father would make excellent telephone jokers would I ever need them. It's kind of comforting, too, in a strange geeky way.

Unconscious Mutterings - Pretty Close To My Life

1. Detachment - Attachment
   
2. Regard - Ending a letter, with one more 's' to go.
   
3. Community - Society and the difference (hey, I did have courses in Sociology at my university).
   
4. Strike three - It's either some strange term unknown to me or the middle of the afternoon.
   
5. Congregation - Lots of people.
   
6. Generous - Me, sometimes. My mom, always.
   
7. Pretention - False.
   
8. Pregnant - Not.
   
9. Drinking - Milk. Really.
   
10. Brilliance - Glimmering.
    

Again, you can take part and have a lot of fun... just click here.

Things That Strike As Odd

Why we have three different packs of dental floss in the bathroom is a complete mystery to me.

Especially since I didn't buy a single one of them.

Wise According To My Teeth

My fourth wisdom tooth is coming out. I'll soon have all the wisdom I can probably have in my mouth.

It also means that I currently can hoard food in the weirdest places and that's probably more you wanted to know about that matter. Believe me, it is.

I haven't had any of the other three wisdom tooth pulled out, mostly because of my strange fear of dentists. The blessing of having such good teeth as I do and therefore never have to go to the dentist somehow made me incredibly afraid of the day I will finally have to. The horror stories my mom tells about her dental-experiences don't exactly help. (Neither does the story of my birth.)

I just figured that if I wait long enough they won't have a reason to pull my wisdom teeth out and then I can just live them and all the wisdom they provide.
Boy, am I gonna be wise...

Self-Absorbed Girls While Reading

I'm currently reading Jane Austen's Emma and I am wondering:

Has anybody else read this book and continually had this one thought in mind? The thought being: "Damn girl, just shut your mouth for one friggin' minute, would you? And while you're at it... Get. Over. Yourself."

It's the third Austen book I have read so far, the other ones being 'Sense and Sensibility' and 'Pride and Prejudice', but never have I found one of the main characters as nerve-racking as Emma. Jeez.

(It's still a very good book, by the way.)

My New Teaquipment (And What I Plan To Do With It)

I'm back into tea-drinking mode. Work made me do so. Since they only have nasty coffee there and I can't afford to buy soft drinks every day tea seems like the best way to quench my thirst.

I just came back with a fine selection of Ayurvedic herbal tea from this shop (sorry it's only in German, but feel free to click around) and now I have tea for most any situation and/or mood I can possibly be in.

Which is...

Courage
Snuggle (yeah, I know)
Power/Strength
Passion
Soul
Knowledge
Mood (I'm guessing good mood)
Friendship
Patience

I also got a sample called "For Happiness", but it's just herbal and not so much Ayurvedic.

Now I have to decide which of those to take to work and which to leave at home. I'm guessing Snuggle won't go to work and I'm not sure what to do with Passion. Patience has to go to work as does Strength and Knowledge (but most of all Patience).

Let's hope I at least like all these different kinds of herbal... sorry Avurvedic herbal tea. If I don't I just spent 10 Euro for naught - which immediately makes me the best candidate for Mood (and maybe Snuggle).

Another question is... do you sweeten Ayuverdic herbal tea? Because I usually do so with my common (meaning non-Ayurvedic) tea. I'm a good girl and use honey to sweeten the tea, but at the moment I have none at work because the last one I bought for this purpose I believe to be poisoned.

But that's a different story...

The Art of Excusing Myself

Today I had an allergy testing. Turns out I'm allergic to nearly everything on earth only I just have this occasional strange cough. Turns also out that allergy testing means the doctor's wife fumbling around with a strange piece of metal attached to a wood handle in front of my face while holding little glass thingies (also in front of my face). If the metal swings from top to bottom it means I'm allergic if it swings from front to back it means I'm not.
Yeah.
Has anyone any experience with that? Because it felt weird that a piece of metal swinging in front of me should actually tell what I am allergic to or not. I'm not really questioning the doctor, I'm just wondering.

Anyway, I was late. It was only a couple of minutes, but because my appointment was so late already I decided to call from the bus and tell them. That made me wonder: when do I tell somebody why I am late and when do I not.
In that case I did, I told them I missed the bus. Which was not the full truth, but close enough. (The full truth was that my morning train came ten minutes late, which made me about 15 minutes late for work, which made me leave ten minutes later than I would usually have, which in the end made me miss the bus.)

I think it depends on who I am talking with, what I am excusing myself from and what the reasons are. Sometimes a person doesn't need to know why I am late or won't come at all. Sometimes it's fair you tell them.
There's no real pattern behind it, just a feeling and experience. And sometimes it all depends on what mood I am in.

But there's one thing more, something I just recently started (as you may call it). It's me not making false excuses anymore. It started about half a year ago when I was planning my birthday party and told the husband (back-then-boyfriend) to call a friend first of all others to ask her if and when she could come. She lives in Darmstadt which is about a two-hour train ride from where we live, so chances were she wouldn't come at all.
And she didn't. She told the husband that her past weeks had been so busy she needed a weekend all for herself. I was not in the least bit hurt or anything like that. I could totally understand. I was a little bit sad because I would have loved to see her, but I couldn't blame her for not coming.

That's when I realized. I can totally not come to a party or whatever I'm invited to and I can just say that I am too stressed to come. I don't need to make up false excuses or cancel shortly so as to make it look like I planned to come all along. I can call people and tell me that I had a lot of stress and don't know if I can make it and wouldn't actually bet on it and if it's okay I might just decide spontaneously. If they are sensible enough they will understand and if they're not I shouldn't make it their problem.

It's just that if I don't feel like going out, I don't need to. It's either really important to me or it's not. And I have stopped looking for other excuses than 'Sorry, I just had a really busy week and I might just like to spend Saturday evening at home.'

Because I realized it's perfectly okay to excuse myself without excusing myself.


PS: The photographer who took out wedding pictures was here. I finally have pictures. So be prepared for something of that in the next days.

Weekaversary

It happened a minute ago.

Me: I think we did something really big last Monday.
Him: And didn't realize it.
Me: No, didn't realize it at all.

Then we laughed. Yes, I think the actual enormity of what we did last week might just get to us in tiny bits. But I think that might be just fine.

Unconscious Mutterings - A Great Mix

1. Great escape - A movie I never saw.
   
2. Cluster - Patterns
   
3. Wrong place, wrong time - Dr. John
   
4. Guided - Hiking. Although I never went.
   
5. Forensics - Brushes
   
6. Pros - And unfortunately some cons. Or amateurs (unfortunately as well).
   
7. Safety deposit box - If only I would need one.
   
8. Quadrant - Four.
   
9. Precisely - Get to the point.
   
10. Who are you? - Me. Most of the time.
    

Again, you can take part and have a lot of fun... just click here.

When My Musical Taste Scares Me

How weird is it that I totally want to get Emma Bunton's (yes, Emma Bunton is Baby Spice, very much yes indeed) latest CD?
With totally I mean that I was close to buying it yesterday and really close to ordering it from amazon today and I am just now listening to 'Maybe'.

It's just that I am a total sucker for Easy Listening, preferably the 60s-like kind and the samples I listened to were so much my taste that I just know that within this week my order will be sent out. I know myself too good to doubt that by the end of the week that CD will be spinning over and over in our kitchen CD-player.

On the other side it shows just how open-minded I am when it comes to music. So, trust me on that. Or wait a few days until I can tell you exactly how much I like this record.

Note To Myself

Hi Jamie!

Please remember: Never eat something red when you're wearing something white.
I thought you'd know that by now.

Jamie.

PS: Never. Hear me?

A Day Spent

Yesterday I ate Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café.
And no, I'm not kidding.

That's also where I gave my just-become-husband this. Because it's one of the sweetest books ever.

We spent the whole day in Cologne and came home with a lot of new things. The best being a new DVD-player, which we really needed.

So, today I'm one hell of a lazy girl and don't plan to do much despite maybe letting my husband (it still sounds so strange) convince me to take a nice walk outside. But I fear it's going to need some convincing to get me off the couch and out.

And just to prove to you that I am indeed a very lazy girl today I will write no more and just let you wonder amazed at the fact that I really ate Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café.

Yummy.

How Did That Happen??? (Music In My Kitchen II)

Somehow my current kitchen CD collection (i.e. the CDs spread around on our kitchen table so I can hear them while cleaning the dishes) contains not a single english* record. This is also incredibly weird as I would guess 95% of my CDs are english.

So what do I have there? I feel the need to tell you because it shows that I'm oh-so-interested and also because all three CDs are so great I would like you to know they actually do exist.

First I have Ritsuko Okazaki's 'Song for...'. I bought it because she sang both the intro and outro theme songs for the anime series 'Fruits Basket' and I love the songs on this CD. I also like Japanese a lot. What amazes me about the language is that it is so soft when sung.

Then I have Coralie Clément's 'Bye Bye Beauté' which is also a great CD. Her first album was very French with her singing sweetly to bossa rhythms. This one is a lot more pop and rock which is a little strange at first combined with her voice but works really fine for me. Try it, please.

Then, and this may be the strangest thing, there's 'Von hier an blind' by 'Wir sind Helden'. I'm usually very sceptical when it comes to German music. Maybe the bad thing is indeed that I actually have no choice but understand the lyrics and that can ruin a lot of songs for me. But I love this CD. And especially those of you who are interested in German music (and I think there are at least two or three of you) should really check them out. If you have trouble getting hold of their music ask me. I might be able to slip you a CD. Somehow.

*By 'english' I mean that the artists sings in english. It's not a geographical thing at all. I'm only talking about the language.

Oh, Stop It , Please!

Dear little old lady who was in line behind me yesterday,

Pushing your cart right into my hips does NOT make me pay and pack my things faster. Because I refuse to give in to anybody who thinks that pushing his (or her, for that matter) cart into another person's hip will do any good.
In fact, it made me angry. You might not have noticed that I had to pay with my card, which also means that I have to sign. There was a reason I didn't go straight to packing my things. I had to sigh that damn bill first. And I needed that little plastic table thing to do that. You know that one I could hardly reach because you kept pushing your goddamn cart into my still young hips.
You might or might not have noticed that whatever you were trying to make me do, it did not happen. Because I won't have myself controlled by little old ladies who push their cart into other nice people's hips. It actually even hurts. Yes.

So, please stop it. Nothing good will ever - I repeat: EVER - come out of it. Nothing but people shaking their heads in disbelief at what you were trying to accomplish. Like I did.

In a very generous and nearly forgiving mood,
the girl with the bruise on her hip.

Aftermath

I'm so excited. Michele sent her readers to my (of all) sites today, so I feel like I am super-special and hence shoudl write a super-special blog entry.
Only I'm still recovering from last Monday and my brain feels pretty empty.

It's strange getting used to a new name. I've lived with the old one for 24 years and although I never really liked it's very strange to see my new name and think 'Well that'll be my name from now on.' Half of the time I answer the phone with my old name and sometimes I just say 'Hello' because answering with my new name sounds strange and using the old one sounds like I already regret my decision to get rid of it.

Now that's one thing.

The other thing is referring to the person who has been your boyfriend for the last five years as 'my husband'. Now, how totally weird is that? I can't say neither one nor the other without feeling funny about it. I should only talk to people who know his name, because then I can avoid both terms.

Now, here's the question for all you already-weds... Was it the same for you? Does it always feel so strange a few days after your wedding just getting used to words or names? And if so, how long does it take until it wears off and you get used to it?

And here's another question for you all... We might go on a late honeymoon in September (or October)? Do you have any suggestions where we should go? Remember that we live in Germany, although that might not matter after all... I just read an article about Scilly Islands some weeks ago, but I don't know if that's an option. Although I want to go there somewhen, because it looks beautiful. And it's not even that far from here.

So thanks again, Michele, for choosing me (of all people) for your comment game. And thanks to all of you for coming and leaving a comment. I will try to answer them all, but it might take this newlywed some time.

Nobody Told Me

Really, nobody told me that getting married is so exhausting. I need to go bed now, but I wanted to show at least some nice pictures. But don't get too excited, it's just some of the flowers I got. But they're so lovely I had to share them with you. If there would be a smell-recording device I'd offer you to smell my roses, but unfortunately there's not - or again: nobody told me.

Now, that's my wedding bouquet - which you might have guessed... I didn't throw it. I'm a selfish only child. I like to keep everything I get. Mine.


And that's the flowers my aunt gave me. Beuatiful, aren't they. Oh, I love to get flowers. I don't buy them, because they're too expensive and up to now I never had vases anyway (we'll see if my mom wants those back), but I really love to get flowers.


I'm still waiting for the real photos to find their way to me to see. But I haven't seen any of them yet. We really looked good though. Promise.

Down Memory Lane: The End of Something

Update: I moved this entry to the top of the page again because it would have been my grandmother's 90th birthday on 11/4 which is not coincidentally at all my wedding day. New entries are below.


When I got off the train and I saw both my parents waiting for me at the platform, I knew something was wrong.

When I was a kid we lived in my grandparents house. It was the house my mom had lived in for all her life. She was raised there as the youngest of nine children and when she got pregnant at the age of 19 and all her siblings had already moved out my father moved in and we had the first floor (that would be second floor for all you Americans) for ourselves.

This is why it seems to me that I was partly raised by my grandparents. They were around all the time and I could go downstairs and play games with my grandmother or have her read stories to me or look at the art books they had. When I was older it became some kind of a ritual that I would watch Columbo with them in the evening. I remember my grandfather sitting in his chair and my grandmother and me on the couch, my head sometimes in her lap.

We moved when I was thirteen. My parents had found a big house in the next town and decided to buy it and we moved there in spring 1994.

By that time my grandmother must already have been diagnosed with cancer.

I don't remember much about her cancer story. I didn't really feel involved. That's why I can't tell you when she first was diagnosed with cancer and what kind of cancer it was. I remember her going to the hospital more often and changing her hair from curls to straight.

After we moved I never came to see her at the hospital. I didn't refuse to go there, but I guess nobody asked me to.

She came to live with us on April 11th 1995. That was her 80th birthday. My parents had emptied out their bedroom and put her special hospital-kind bed in there. They would sleep in the dining room, which was next to the bedroom and for the time being was no longer a dining room anymore.

When I saw her for the first time in month I started to cry. I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw her. I remember my cousin holding me outside the house while all the others were inside already. After all, it was her 80th birthday.

Thinking back on how quickly things changed she was doing pretty good on her birthday. She had no severe pains and could talk and even walk around a little bit. She would stay with us until she died.
She would stay with us for eleven days.

My grandmother couldn't sleep because her skin hurt from all the lying. It got sore and I think she suffered from more than one kind of cancer, one of them skin cancer. She also saw things that weren't there and cried for one of us in the middle of the night. There was a doctor coming over several times to look after her but there was not much to be done.

One of my best friends was staying at our house during those days. It was Kathrin, whom I met in France when I was 9 and who still is a good friend. I will tell her story one time. She lived near Münster, which is about a two-hour trip by train from here. I was going to go back with her and stay at her place for a couple of days.

When I came back after a few days it was already dark. When I got off the train and I saw both my parents waiting for me at the platform, I knew something was wrong. I walked towards them and hugged them and the first thing I asked was: 'What happened?'
My father immediately knew what I was talking about. There was no other way that both my parents could have been able to come and get me from the train station.

I came back the day my grandmother had died.

My mom told me the story of my grandmother's death several times, but I don't know if I can get it all together.

While I was away it got worse. The day she died they had a pastor coming over for the last rites. But my grandmother seemed to refuse to die. It was the story of her life. When she was born she ruined her brother's first communion. It was supposed to be his day and her baby-self got all the attraction. My mom told me that somehow she always felt guilty for that. It was my cousin's first communion's a few days after she died. My mom believes that she tried to stay alive so she would not ruin anyone's first communion again.

So my mom told her: 'It's okay. You can go now.'
And she did.

That night my parents slept in my room. When they were already asleep I got up and walked in the bedroom where my grandmother was still lying. I sat down beside her bed and just sat there for a long while. I don't remember if I cried or if I touched her. Funny how things that seem so important just slip off your mind.

I took her little flashlight, though, the one that she had on her nightstand as long as I can remember. It's a little light blue flashlight. I still have it and I never changed the batteries.

Countdown

In a little more than twelve hours my last name won't be my last name anymore. I admit that I already praticed my signature so it won't look crabby on the wedding certificate.

I can't imagine how tomorrow will be. Sorry for not posting a lot these past days but it's been really busy and I really don't know where I left my head.

I'll post you pictures and everything next week. I don't think I will be able to post anything tomorrow.

Wanna know what our invitation looked like? We send cardboard cards with the following image on front.

Here it is (I'm so in love with it.

Without Words (Nearly)

I think I should dedicate this to Caitlin and Cecilia. They know why (do you?).

Up And Away

I thought of something really funny and witty to write, but now that I'm at the computer I can't remember what it was.

So this entry is about the nothingness of gone ideas. How incredibly boring is that?

(And how incredibly sad is it that my computer at work is better than my computer at home?) Very say, I tell ya!)

(If the extremely funny and witty idea comes back I must remember to take notes. Damn, and I don't even own a notebook.)

The Others: Some Lifes Less Ordinary

Yes, I have flunked my Sunday's introduction several times. Go blame it on a new job, two colds and the coming close of a (actually my) wedding.

But since both of the following are so important to me I will make Wednesday a Sunday (or the other way round) and send you over right away to A Gag Reflex and 63 Days (or the other way round).

Since I'm pretty stressed out these last days I won't write too much. (Isn't just my recommendation reason enough to check out a blog? 'Cause I would think so.) Just so much:

In A Gag Reflex Cori tells the story of the memories of her wild mother and her present search for her real/biological father. It's very intriguing, creative and so beautifully written. Read her story and be amazed. As I was (and am).

63 Days is the story of Alli who as a teenager was sent away to a whatever-the-fuck-it-was-supposed-to-be program because her parents worried about her. The teenagers of the Challenger program were made to hike the wilderness to be better people. In Alli's words: I was 15 when I was kidnapped from my bed and taken to Challenger. 63 Days is the story-in-progress about my brutal experiences there, my subsequent escape and the aftermath.

Once again I would like to say how amazing it is to read the not-so-ordinary stories of (in the best sense) ordinary people. It makes you wonder if your story is after all extraordinary enough to put it out there. Maybe it is.

A Lame Excuse

Yesterday evening all of a sudden my internet broke down. I didn't have access to anything, not the web, not my email, nothing. Not my blog. Things like that piss me off, internet junkie as I am.

What's even worse is that we have this not-that-complicated-but-complicated-enough router connection that always takes months to set up because we always do it the trial and error way and I was afraid something was wrong with the router and we would have to go through all the trouble of setting it up again.

That worry was gone today around noon when the boyfriend told me that his internet connection worked, so obviously nothing was wrong with the router. That also meant that something was wrong with my computer. Turns out it was only the modem who somehow got loose from the PCI-slot and therefore I couldn't access the internet anymore. Fixed in less than five minutes.

But still, I hate when things like that happen. Especially at night when I don't have the nerve to fix these things anymore.

Now I'm online again. Ready to blog. Welcome me back.

Repercussions

As we all know going to IKEA is a two-hour-experience. Lunch included.

Not included is the six hours and more it takes to put together whatever you bought and arranging your rooms according to the new piece of furniture. Especially when this includes cleaning out all your bookshelves. Because then your living room will look like this all day long.



It's midnight right now and I'm exhausted. I will tell you more about the IKEA experience and its scary repercussions tomorrow. If I can get up.

Just so you know... we bought half of our bed. We will have a bed! Isn't that awfully good news. A bed. A real bed. I think it started with me wanting to buy new bedclothes and my mom telling me that nothing I liked would ever look as good lying basycally on the floor. So I knew we needed to buy a bed. So then I can buy beautiful bedclothes and be happy as a clam.

Wow, I'm so turning into a hosewife. Aside from the fact that I'm working 40 hours a week, I really am.

Saturday Pleasure

We're going to IKEA! Yay!

And of course I'll end up buying all that stuff I don't really need, but then I need it oh-so-much. Because in the end, that's what IKEA is all about.

Random Pop-Culture Related Thoughts

My books came today. More books for my nightstand make Jamie happy. I'm currently reading 'Born Confused' and am enjoying it. It's very different from most of the books I recently read, mostly because it's very fresh and modern, from the view of a seventeen-year-old girl in today's America.

I also finished Jane Eyre and want to say at least two things about it. First of all I loved that book. I was afraid that it would be kind of hard to read with somewhat tedious passages, but it never, never was. At all. It was a really very sweet and great and easy to read. (I guess the 'Vanity Fair' experience had an influence on me.) Secondly, yeah, it would have been great to have read it before 'The Eyre Affair', but it didn't matter too much. I was a little bit spoiled, but it was also fun to read a passage and remembering the same thing happening in that other book. Another reason, by the way, why I consider 'The Eyre Affair' an amazing book.

Some words on music now.

While reading Jane Eyre I suddenly remembered a CD I bought some time ago by a certain Kate St John. Whoever has read Jane Eyre might be able to guess why. Now, since you all know that I have a great taste in music, I advise you to go and check her out. I got Second Sight and one of my favorites is 'Where The Warm Winds Blows'. Please do.

Also, I realize that I need to get me some of Jonatha Brooke's music. Why don't I own a single one of her records? This woman has got a voice to break hearts. Mine for example. What the hell is wrong with me?

And here's a very special one for my friend Caitlin, who, reading one of her recommendations, I have been thinking a lot about lately: There's a version of Patty Griffin's 'Moses' by Melissa Ferrick on my all-time-favorite music blog Womenfolk. You (and yes, you too) should definitely download it.

Oh Stop It, Please

Does anybody here need April Fool's Day?

No? I thought so.

So can we just get rid of it and get on with our lifes?

He Is THAT Screwed Up

The boyfriend thinks that the first step to a succesful diet is going to McDonald's for a last time. I think not so much.

Then again he (and therefore me as well) has been living on fruit and salad for the last three days. But I swear I have never seen anyone buying fruit like that.
On averagy, how long does it take a normal person to buy, say... three apples. You would think something around a good minute. Yet he manages to contemplate before the fruit stand until my feet hurt.
Half an eternity for choosing apples? Again, I think not so much.

But then again, who am I to judge? I need half an eternity to eat a yoghurt. Still, the brown chocolate balls have to be gone before the white ones. I'm really glad my cousin Vera agrees on that.

Ask Jamie: Things Neither You Nor I Want To Know

srah asked: Do you have any traditions in Germany along the lines of wearing "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue"?

Fortunately I'm not really into the whole traditions thing. I say fortunately because I have read about them in the scary wedding brochure.

I've been to three weddings in my life, one when I was very little, so I don't really remember a lot other than being cute enough to be one of the girls to throw flowers. The second one was the wedding of my clarinet teacher and the third one was Tina and Torsten getting married last October.

And I am happy to say that on both weddings I actually remember traditions were only a sidenote to the whole celebration.

I am also happy to say that we will have none. I repeat: none. Because every tradition I know is crazy. I will give you two examples and then you might know why were you invited to my wedding and would persist on one of the following you would not be friend afterwards. Or maybe you would, but I wouldn't really enjoy what you did to me.

Kidnapping the Bride
Yeah. Right. Kidnapping the bride on the wedding. From what I read it's supposed to work like this: During the celebration a few of the couple's friends kidnap the bride and bring her to a nearby pub. Now the groom is supposed to find her and bring her home. The party may change their location a few times until the groom finds her. He is also supposed to pay all open bills at the pubs he comes in for on his search.

Now, honestly, what a sick game is that? It's my wedding, for god's sake, I don't want to be in a pub. I want to be at my friggin' wedding. Leave me alone. Leave me here! And what's with the paying for the others in the pubs. Are we filthy rich or what? We just spent money on a wedding, most probably on new shoes. On food and drinks. What a friend would steal me from my own wedding and call it a tradition? That's just crazy.

Something I Don't Even Have a Name For
I heard this when someone at my old job talked about a wedding she'd been to. Apparently it's also some kind of tradition to steal some of the bride and groom's possessions and have them do something to get it back. The guests can tell the couple some supposedly amusing things they should do to get their things back.

Guys, there's a word for that: thievery. It's actually a crime. I also don't know where you got the key from, because it wasn't from me. And I have to do what you want to get my things back. How is that supposed to be fun? Again: It's my wedding. Leave me alone. Leave my stuff alone. You can come here and bring me gifts and then you may be allowed to eat and drink until you're sick. But other than that, it's my wedding and I don't want any stupid traditions to spoil it.


Yeah. I'm not really into tradition because most that I know make no sense and are actually not really funny. I like the small traditions, but none of the ones everyone makes a fuss about, because most of the time I don't have a fun time.

Signs of Spring

It must be spring because the boyfriend and I suddenly started to clean the balcony and make it all nice for the coming times of warmth where the weekend paper can be read outside while the sun shines in our faces.

It actually felt so much like spring that I had to get out and spend 4,40 Euro on this.

Need Proof?

Just so you know that my head is indeed filled with slime and my brain has temporarily moved to make room for it, this making sure my head does not explode, here's my original attempt at this week's Unconscious Muttering.

1. I’m waiting - Bunnies
   
2. Speak - Bunnies
   
3. Roger... - Bunnies
   
4. Knock knock - Bunnies
   
5. Hybrid - Bunnies
   
6. Can’t believe my eyes - Bunnies
   
7. Hooked - Bunnies
   
8. Pontificate - Bunnies
   
9. Slime - Bunnies
   
10. Unwelcome - Bunnies
    

Yeah. I told you, didn't I?

Unconscious Mutterings - With A Head Full Of Slime

1. I’m waiting - for this stupid cold to go away
   
2. Speak - Cough first
   
3. Roger... - Rabbit
   
4. Knock knock - Who's there?
   
5. Hybrid - Water
   
6. Can’t believe my eyes - This better be good.
   
7. Hooked - Veronica Mars
   
8. Pontificate - Pointy.
   
9. Slime - Don't get me started.
   
10. Unwelcome - This cold.
    

Again, you can take part and have a lot of fun... just click here.

I Think Even My Brain Made Room For It

I feel like my whole body is filled with slime and snot and other icky stuff.
And it's certainly no fun. I can't really sleep but I can't really stay away either. I make funny noises when I breathe.

In short I feel really sick. I think it's even gotten worse since yesterday.

Now, please excuse me while I cough up some more slime I don't really need or want.

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 13)

I really never wanted to make this blog about my wedding, it's just as it is coming closer, of course I think more about it, and since this blog is about me and my life, it's bound to come up a little more often these days. Bear with me.

I was just standing in the kitchen preparing a nice dessert for tomorrow evening and listening to 'The Final Frontier' from the Mad About You Soundtrack that suddenly tears came to my eyes, because at that moment it seemed I realized what was happening around me.

Don't get me wrong. I know what I am doing. I don't decide to get married all blue-eyed and naive and romantic. I think I pretty much am aware of how big this thing is and decided that this the time and this is the man. But there's somewhere else and I think I totally forgot about that...

For nearly 10 years now I have been a fan of Mad About You. I love this show. I would admit that the first four seasons were a lot better than the last three, but even in the later days the show was great and it made me laugh a lot and even cry. I still can't bear to wear the finale of the fourth season where they break up because it's so frickin' sad. And they made me cry with the damn montage at the end of the last episode because it was so sweet and seemed so real and... sigh.

Whatever that show was a lot about marriage in the way that it centered around the struggling of newlyweds in their everyday life. In a sitcomy way, but still. And I always wanted to live like that. I admit that I also might have been a little bit in love with Paul. Yep.

Now when I listened to that song, which has those wonderful lyrics which say exactly what the show is about. It's about not knowing anything about what's to come, but being brave because the person you love is at your side. It's about being afraid and confused, but then again happy and confident. And it also reminds me of the show and all its little moments that I love.

And this is what is happening in my life right now. In a way I have no idea what we're doing here right now. How could I? I have never done it before, so how am I supposed to know what we're getting into.

But we'll jump anyway. Because nothing can happen to us after all.

And that's about what I was thinking when I listened to the song. And that's why I was close to break out in tears. Happy tears.

(Not-So-Much) Thursday Fun: The Case is Open

Due to job change, sickness (twice) and other circumstances the cases have been closed for the lasst few weeks. Now they're open again. Since shelf #3 turned out to be shelf #2's twin brother and you had to wait so long I decided to make it a double feature today.

So, clap your hands for shelf #3 and shelf #4...





So, what do they offer?

Shelf #3 brings us more video tapes. We have lot of them. But most of them are better labeled, because I put my whole heart in it in the olden days when there were no DVDs. I think I can make out 'Jennifer Eight' and 'E-Mail For You' and 'Tot Ziens', some independent Dutch movie. Yes, I was independent gal once, before I realized that after all I like mainstream better. At least I can say that I know what I'm talking about.

Shelf #4 is one of the bottom shelves, meaning that we will have big books (mostly art books) and sheet music. This one is more big books and I don't think a single one of them is mine. So I don't really have a lot to say about them.

If I Knew You Were Coming...

I guess we all know how that song goes. Guess what? I baked a cake.

Again.

It's just that I love to bake cakes, while the problem is that neither the boyfriend nor I are very avid cake-eaters. We like cake, but we don't really pine for it. That's another thing where I'm becoming just like my mom. We both love to make things (preferably to eat) but that doesn't necessarily mean that we are particularly fond of them. We just like making them and enjoy being proud when they look nice.

So, anyway, we had someone over for dinner last night and I seized the opportunity and baked a cake.

Here it is:

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 12)

25 years ago...



That's one small wedding party. But as I know from the other pictures there were a lot more people at home. Most of them will be at my wedding, too. Funny, huh?

I already got brown boots. My mom bought them today and they look great and match my skirt, so why not. I am very careful not to wear a brown coat and a brown purse with it. I'm becoming just like my mom already and there's no need to push it.

Can I just say (once more) that my mom has just turned 19 on this picture. That means she's more than five years younger than I am. That just fascinates me a lot.

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 11)

They know. They all know.

Yesterday I brought the invitations to the post office. Today they arrived. How is it that we said we would only make a small celebration with a few friends and family and we end up with over thirty people on our list?

Oh, yes, I remember. My family is just too big. And the biggest part of party guest is just members of my family. It's really not my fault, my mom has seven siblings and they never ever move away. And they got married and had kids.

Also, I told Andreas today via mail-conversation. I knew he was going to be or play shocked, so I tried to point him to the bright side. Cake and our dog. I just hope it worked.

Unconscious Mutterings - Taciturn

1. Stink - Socks
   
2. Renewal - Renovation
   
3. I remember... - Lots of things
   
4. Loneliness - Hermit
   
5. Ooooh - Cookies
   
6. For real - Rouch
   
7. Titanium - Metal
   
8. Get down - Gilbert O'Sullivan
   
9. Rupture - Earthquake
   
10. Dramatic - Drama Queen
    

Again, you can take part and have a lot of fun... just click here.

Sick, Tired And A Little Bit Pissed

It seems I slept through half of the day. I only really got up until after 5 p.m.

Last night my temperature went up to 38° celsius, which isn't really worrisome but enough to call a little fever.

So I decided against being stupid and brave and for going to the doctor and calling in sick for the next two days. I won't risk being stuck with a stupid cold for the rest of my life just because I don't dare call in sick.

Had I known the jerks would let me wait in the waiting room for two straight fucking hours I might have decided to go to work instead. Bastards. And all that for a five minute inspection and the impressive conclusion that I have a cold. Yeah, I couldn't have figured that out all by my own, thank you very much.
And it may be the case that more than six people that came in after me got called out before because they had appointments and I did not, but honestly...? My throat hurts, my nose itches, I hardly slept at all last night and when I did I had strange unsettling dreams, I threw up yesterday and have hardly eaten anything since, so you know: I REALLY DON'T CARE.

At least I could read a lot of Fingersmith while I was waiting. See, I still manage to see a bright side. I'm not completely lost in ranting country.

I also made an appontment for an allergy testing in about a month. As I count oversharing as one my specialties, here's why. I have strange cough that comes and goes for about at least three years now. It feels like I have to throw up, but I don't and I know I don't. It just sounds very bad and the worse fits bring tears to my eyes. I can't pin it to a specific time of year or connect it to anything. I may not have it for weeks or even months and then it comes again, maybe a few times a day, maybe once a week or less. It's absolutely not predictable. But it's been there for more than three years, so I think it's time I have myself checked for allergies. So I will.

I'm good at oversharing, ain't I?

In The Bed Out The Bed

That's what I'm doing today. I'm sleeping, then get up, read or even go for a walk and then I crawl again under the blanket and go back to sleep.

My mom is going to pick me up later, so I can help my father install burning software and see if she's got wedding rings that fit our fingers. If you're wondering where she got a large collection of wedding rings from, yeah, well, it's part of her job.

By the way, we just got the new address of the evil tenant who just took off without paying us anything. Obviously the electricity company found out and was willing to tell us. Good for us. Not so very good for him.

I just realize that it's nearly 3 p.m. and I haven't eaten anything the whole day. My tummy rebels and I guess I have to listen to it and search the kitchen for food. And then back to bed until my mom comes.

Sick and Tired

Sick, because being brave and going to work despite my cold two weeks ago just backfired and I've got a sore throat again.
Also, I kind of met last nights dinner again. Hi, meal, didn't you like the other way out?

Tired, because I never sleep well with a sore throat that hurts every time I swallow and I do that a couple of times a minute.

Oh, see, there's my bed... if you need me, that's where I'll be for the next two to four hours.

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 10)

I'm tired.

I just wrote addresses on twenty envelopes and I realized again that the name of the street where we live is just too fucking long.

Why didn't somebody tell me that getting married actually involved real hard work?
Like licking the icky stuff on the envelopes... Bwah.

And The Flow Of Book Memes Never Ceases

Here's another one, brought to you (or me) by pearl...

You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
In that case, some book nobody knows of. I really wouldn't like to get burned.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Not exactly, although I really loved Henry in 'The Time-Traveler's Wife'. And I cared a lot for most of the characters in Anne Tyler's Tin Can Tree.

The last book you bought is:
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

The last book you read:
Eragon by Christopher Paolini

What are you currently reading?
Currently reading: Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton
On my nightstand and next in line: Jane Eyre, Born Confused by Tanuja Desai Hidier and Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

Five books you would take to a deserted island:
Nine Short Stories by J.D. Salinger.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. I hope there are volumes contaiing all five books out there. That would count as one book, wouldn't it?
Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milne because it's the sweetest book ever.
Poems by W. H. Auden (I'm usually not a big poems fan, but I love those.)
The Neverending Story by Michael Ende, because for some reason I have read it about ten times already and that means that I really like it.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
To Caitlin, because she loves books and I think she would be thrilled to do it (at least I hope so...).
To Rory, because she writes so beautifully that I would love to know what she reads.
And to Blondelibrarian, because after all, she's a librarian.

Note: I will try to update to tomorrow and add links to all the books, but right now I really need to go to bed.

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 9)

The Minimum Price for a Wedding

66 Euro



There was another 8 Euro that we paid for the copy of a document from somewhere else. So, add it up and you got it.

Yay For... Me, Actually

Because, let's be honest, without me it wouldn't be that way...

It's my parents 25th anniversary. So yay for them!

Get it...? I'll turn 25 this year, and they celebrate their 25th birthday. So, you don't really need to guess why I think that I have a little bit to do with it. I didn't really have brains yet, but still...

But whatever, again, yay for them. If I had their wedding picture I would show it here, but I don't.
It's totally sweet and kind of strange, actually. Mostly because my mom decided she would just wear all the different shades of brown that there are. In one outfit.

Late In The Evening (And It Turns Out I'm Ranting)

Once again I'm proud that I've managed once again to use a song title as a blog entry title and get away with it. Because it's really late in the evening.

We got back from Cologne about an hour ago (please note the time I posted this) where we spent and afternoon buying stuff we really don't need and an evening with my aunt and her girlfriend who made yummy things for us (canelloni and tiramisu... I'm just saying).

So, not much news here other than I'm tired and I'm pissed because the CD I bought won't play on my computer. Excuse me for using that king of language but reallly... Fuck copy controlled CDs! I don't have a CD player in my room, only my computer so get your crap together and make them work on my computer. I actually spent money on this CD, so I think I deserve to be able to listen to it. Jeez, guys. Do you still think that copy control will prevent any CD from being distributed on the internet in the long run? Because my experience tells me otherwise. So far I've been able to download every copy controlled CD I bought and COULDN'T PLAY ON MY COMPUTER. It doesn't help. At all. It only gets me pissed. And you really don't want that. Or maybe you don't care at all, but I like to think that you don't want me getting pissed.

So, since it's really late and my brain can't think of very interesting things to write I'll just tell you what we bought and then I will go to bed.

The boyfriend: a music stand, two books (one about Ebay and some novel that I don't remember the title of) and a DVD of a concert of Oscar Peterson.

Me: Jane Eyre (which I think I must read after reading The Eyre Affair, and besides it was just 2.30 Euro, so I couldn't really resist), Bye Bye Beauté by Coralie Clement which won't fucking play on my computer, and a skirt which will be a part of my wedding outfit and is just incredibly cute. Plus, I can always wear it at work or mostly anywhere else. I can display a lot of pragmatism if I want to.
And Pecorino cheese, which should go in the fridge right now. I totally forgot about that.

So, basically we spent a lot of money. But you have to treat yourself with something nice every now and then, don't you?
Every now and then naturally meaning every single day.

Go, Go, Go, Go, Go!

Go and read the beautiful blog entry Brandon wrote.

Now.

Touchy Literary Surprises

I have four books for my nightstand now. When I got home today I couldn't wait to open the package that arrived today. Even though I know what's inside I always think of my packages as presents and I love to open them and finally hold whatever is inside in my hands.

There's this stange thing about ordering books. Although you know what you get you never really know until you finally hold it. I'm talking about material here, fabric, touch.

The boyfriend and I both are bibliophiles. We love the feel and smell of books, especially new ones. The different touch of the covers, sometimes glossy, sometimes not, sometimes with some letters engraved, or some other little specialty.
I loved Wicked for the way the book was designed. The cut out hole in the front, with the glossy page behind it, the neatly designed map of Oz, the strange pictures prefacing each part.

Maybe that's part of why I like to own things, because I like the feeling of things, especially books, and however hard I try, I don't get that feeling from any books in the library. It's just so different. (Besides, the collection of english books is pityfully small at the local library, so I don't exactly feel drawn there anyway.)

So, the nice thing about getting books is that, though you know the title of the books you never know how they will really look like until you hold them in your hand. Concerning today's package I somehow expected to be 'Fingersmith' a lot smaller than it is and also thinner, whereas I thought that 'Guilty Pleasures' would be thicker. 'Born Confused' has a strange size, although it's significantly smaller than Fingersmith, it's a tiny little bit wider even. It also has more pages than I expected.

The nicest book to touch is definitely 'Fingersmith'. It's really smooth with glossy letters. 'Guilty Pleasures' has a glossy cover and rather cheap pages and the chapter headings of 'Born Confused' are written in an indian-like font.

There's not a lot of deeper meaning to this entry, I just thought I'd share my fascination with books with you along with the small observations I made, browsing aimlessly through my new books today.
And maybe some of you know what I'm talking about.

Yada Yada Yada - The Collected Blabber of Jamie

My ear is hot from talking on the phone for... I don't know... really long. First to a friend who called here and then to my cousin Lina to tell her they all are invited to our wedding. My aunt and uncle are on a trip in Syria or Jordania or whatever, so I won't be able to tell them the news for another two weeks.
My other aunt is in Australia, but hopefully she will be back for the wedding, since I wouldn't want to miss her.

Also, the shirts from glarkware arrived today, so right now I'm writing in my already beloved yellow Swedish Mafia shirt. I want more of them. Now.

Then I unknowingly sabotaged some system at work today, but it really wasn't my fault. I'm so very innocent. I just saw an error on one of the sites and asked if I should correct it and they only realized later that I was working on a thing involving a really large database and was blocking the system like a lot. So, not my fault. At all.

I so need the 'My boyfriend can totally beat up your boyfriend' shirt. And the 'Are we there yet?' because it's my favorite question if I want to drive someone crazy.

'Are we there yet?
...
My feet hurt.
...
I'm hungry.
...
Is it really far from here?
...
I'm thirsty. Really thirsty.
...
And my feet hurt.
...
I'm hungry and thirsty and my feet hurt.
...
I have to pee.
...
Are we there yet?'

If I try really hard I'm the personification of every parents' nightmare.

So, basically.... can you guess?

Yes. My life is a chaos right now. It's messy and chaotic and crammed with new stuff and I love it. Love it love it love it.

If only I weren't so tired.

Unconscious Mutterings - A Head Spinning

1. Shape up - I'm trying. I'm TRYING!
   
2. New Orleans - The Pelican Brief. And that other movie. And that book. And Mardi Gras. Me? Never been there.
   
3. In the bedroom - A bed. Hopefully.
   
4. All the time - Wondering.
   
5. Philosophy - Usually bores me.
   
6. Tyler - Anne.
   
7. Disturbed - Leave me alone.
   
8. French kiss - The movie and being in England.
   
9. Solidify - Sheryl Crow.
   
10. Furtive - The Fugitive. So what?
    

Again, you can take part and have a lot of fun... just click here.

I'm Pro-Booklist. Are You Too?

I somehow wondered whether deciding to stick to booklists and recommendations as much as I do is just a very lame excuse for not having to choose by myself.

I think maybe it is, but maybe it's a good thing.

It's a good thing because I realize that there are a whole lot of books out there that I would never read if I would just read the back cover. I would just put them back on the shelf and buy something else. Or maybe, even worse, I wouldn't even pull them out and read what's on the back cover. Because after all I do judge a book by its cover. How else could I do it? I have to judge it by something and when I'm in a bookshop all I do have is the cover and the blurb on the back cover. There's not much else to judge it by.

Sticking to booklists and asking for recommendations and vowing to read them all is a great way to discover books I might never have noticed browsing the shelves in a bookshop. Maybe there are a few books that I won't like as much, but think of all the great books I will read. Don't they totally make up for the few not-so-great ones?

Maybe, just maybe, in a perfectly twisted way, sticking rigidly to my booklist makes me a lot more open to new discoveries than if I would do it the usual browse-choose-and-buy way.

So, be prepared for a second round of "What Shall Jamie Read?" once I'm done with all the books of the first round. Because I've tasted blood and I'll be back for more.

No, She's Still Singing... (Because I HAD To Say It)

There was this non-discussion about Edie Brickell on srah's site. It's really a non-discussion, so I wonder why I feel the need to comment on it so urgently, but I do and that's that.

So, let me get that straight:

1) Edie Brickell is great.

I think I could just stop writing right now and leave it at that, because what more do you need to know. Yet, I will go on.

2) She is still singing. Proof is here.

3) The rich hippe was Paul Simon actually, who, by all means is not a rich hippe. Rich, maybe. Or most probably. I don't really know if they are still together, but then again I don't really care.

4) Did I mention that Edie Brickell is great?

Oh, I guess I did...

My Fifteen Minutes

Guess what? I'm being interviewed by Rory. Actually I begged her to ask me questions, but whatever. This is my fifteen minutes of fame, no matter how I got them.

1. When was the last time you did something for the first time? (I got that question from a TV ad!)
Well, actually on Friday when we settled everything for the marriage. I surely haven't done that before. I was also surprised how easy it is. It takes a rough fifteen minutes to be done with it, then you pay your fee and then you wait until the big day.

2. Where would you like to go today?
Usually I'm split between New York City and France. Today it would be more New York City, because I'd prefer to be in France in the summer when I can go swim in a river and stroll around beautiful cities and villages in a summer dress.

3. If God gave you his color palette, what color would you paint the sky?
At the risk of being boring, I'd probably stick with blue. A light (but somehow yet strong) blue preferably.
But while we're at it, I would like to point out that I am one of those people who prefer sunrise to sunset. I love the atmosphere of sunrise, also the colors the sky has when the sunrises. A mixture of all colors available all bleeding together. Maybe it's also because you get to see so many sunsets but not so many sunrises (at least I feel that it is that way) and seeing a sunrise is often connected to nights spent awake and other special moments.

4. Tell me about your hair without using any colors or description of its length.
Wow, what kind of question is that?
Well, my hair can be pretty rebellious at times. It doesn't look so bad, it just doesn't do what I want. As a kid I had so much hair that it wouldn't all fit into regular slides, but somehow I lost some hair growing up and now it fits (fortunately). When it's short it's a little bit curly, when it's long it's really straight.
Then there are those very rare but precious moments when without any help from myself it just looks great. I can't control it, so I don't try hard and I get rewarded by those few times when I can leave home and look great without doing a thing about it.
Thank you, hair.

5. How tall are you?
Just the right size, which means about 1,70 m, which according to a site I just found is 5'6" or something around that. For a girl I'm just the right size, meaning that I can reach most top shelves and don't need to ask for help. That's just fine with me.


Now I think it's my time to ask you. So whoever has been pining for his fifteen minutes, just tell me and I will wreck my brain to find five appropriate question for you and just you.

The Others: Through Her Eyes

As, once again, I spent the Sunday doing very important stuff like (for instance) catching up on Joan of Arcadia, I have only little time left to do the weekly introduction of my favorite blogs.

So, let me introduce you all to PixelTigris:

For some reason I'm not so much into photoblogs. They're nice, no question, but most of them don't make me feel the need to come back every day to check for updates. PixelTigris's photoblog does.

Her pictures are just amazing. She has her way of capturing things and moments, that you don't easily. I think I completely fell for her blog when she did the 'He has mine with him' series in January (just scroll down the site, the pictures are pretty much at the bottom of the page).

Since she said it best after all, here's a quote from her 'About Me': I don’t want to be another girl with a photography phase (see above), taking hasty, clumsy pictures. I want to capture those special feelings and moods, those small nuances that are around us, yet often invisible.

Take your time and take a look. It's definitely worth it.

Pictures: Tasty And Scary. Really Scary.

First of all, the picture you have all waited for. The second cake I baked this year and doesn't it look really tasty?

Look and pine:





And that's an advertisement I found in the brochure about getting married we got from the registry's office. It's about the scariest picture I have ever seen. Are there actually people who want their wedding to be like that? And what drugs did they give to the girls? Because it must be really good stuff. Nobody ever smiles like that. At least not when sober.

Okay, I'll Just Move Over To The Kids Table...

When we were having my beautiful cake yesterday everyone was having coffee, only I stuck to my water. We didn't have any fresh milk, so I didn't have much of a choice.

It feels strange, however, that at the age of 24 I still prefer a glass of cold fresh milk (or hot cocoa or whatever) to a cup of coffee. Fact is, I just won't drink regular coffee, not even if I had no other option. I just don't like it. It's bitter and it drains water from your body and it's just not good.

I will drink some nice Latte Macchiatto, though, if there's one around and I like several other drinks from Starbuck's or the like, but regular coffee is so not for me that it's not even on the list for 'things that I will drink or eat if there's nothing else at all'. Like Brussels sprouts.

So I will just stick to my glass of milk, even if it makes me feel like a six-year-old surrounded by grown-ups.

At least I live healthy.

What Shall Jamie Read? - Another Update

Done with the Brookmyre. (Thanks again, srah!)

Now, where the friggin' hell are my new books? Amazon, hurry up, godammit.

Did You Ever Have One?

You know what's one of the weirdest things ever?

Déjà-vu's.

Really, how strange are they? Every time I have one I wonder about it. It just feels weird to think that you have experienced that exact same moment before when it doesn't seem possible that you did.

But, you know what's even weirder?

A déjà-vu of a déjà-vu.

Did you ever have one? Because I did just about two minutes ago and it wasn't the first one. It's really strange up to the point where it somewhat scares me. Very weird stuff.


However, it seems like now that I actually have a life to blog about I don't have the time to blog about it. But I try.

And, on another side note, YES, I'm really proud that I know where the accents (please pronounce in a french way) go in a word like déjà-vu. Even if it takes me five times longer to type it.

Also, I baked another cake. Pictures will follow soon.

No Wonder I'm Screwed Up

My mom called me today just in time to hear the big news. This is about how the conversation went at that moment:

Me: "Well, we actually do have news."

Her: "What? You got a dog?"

Me: "No." (Though I wish we had.)

Her: "Are you pregnant?"

Me (laughing): "No!"

Then she ran out of ideas. Apparently the only news to expects from me is to bring another living thing into our family. Either a dog or a child.

When I told her we were at the registry's office that morning she started to laugh.

She surely is one of the greatest people in the world.

Letter For Whoever Sits In That Comfortable Chair

Dear Amazon,

Would you please, please, pleeeeeease send my books?

Because I'm afraid I'll have Christopher Brookmyre's 'Quite Ugly One Morning' finished tonight. And the bookshop here never sells what I want.

So please?

Forever yours,
Jamie.

PS: You know that I spent way too much money at your shop already, so I figure I can consider my self as a very-special-customer indeed.

I Heart My Visa

My credit card is a reliable source of constant pleasure. I just used it to buy this and this at Glarkware.
The first one is for me, just because I love what it says. Whoever came up with it, I'm really impressed. The second one is for Torsten who's birthday is in about three weeks. Now, I'm not kidding here: his nickname is Mozart and he is a fan of Heavy Metal, Hard Rock, whatever that kind of music I hardly ever listen to is called. I can never ever tell the difference. So this is like a shirt specially designed for him (apart from the fact that it's not). I can't wait to give it to him.

Once again: I just love my credit card.

I just don't love the bill I get at the end of the month. Can't I have the fun without the paying for it?

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 8)

Apparently you can settle your wedding date via phone. Who would've thought? Getting married is a lot easier than I had suspected.

April 11th at 11 am it is.

What better date could there be?

By the way, it's my parents 25th anniversay in about two weeks or so. Shame on me, I don't know my parent's wedding date. But I sure as hell know mine.

So, who wants my address to send gifts? I will send back cake. Only I don't know if that's a very good idea. The cake I mean.

I Am THAT Screwed Up!

Are you drinking enough? Are you aware that you should dring at least 2 to 3 litres of water (or anything that doesn't drain water from your body like coffee or coke) a day?
Because if you don't I might just remind you of your neglect everytime I notice it. Ask Andreas or my mom, because I surely have bugged them.

Another even weirder thing is that sometimes I leave the grocery shop with three to five bottles of beverages of various kinds. Not all of them are healthy, but they're beverages whatsoever. I seem to think that I could actually die of thirst if I don't take care. Like all the shops could suddenly run out of all beverages. The gas station, too. And they will turn off the water in our apartment. I definitely need to have all these bottles in my fridge or I'm gonna regret it.

A Very Very Very Long Day

I just got back home about an hour ago. Two manager-whatever-guys from Colorado are here for a few days so the whole staff was invited to dinner and it was actually really good.
But it nevertheless took long, so I didn't have a lot of time for anything else today.

The whole new job thing is wearing me out a little bit, but I hope it's just all the new things, some confusion and a lot of learning and it will get better in time. I might not have to work less, but I'm sure I will get used to it.

A girl can hope, can't she?

Another Heart

Dear Potato Heart,

I saw you at the shop, a little heart among all these common potatoes. I paid for you and took you home.
Then I peeled you and chopped you to pieces.
Then I cooked and ate you.

But I still took a picture of you. Because after all you were special.

Love and Marriage and How to Get There (Episode 7)

I asked my new boss tonight if I can have a day off on April, 11th. He said yes. So we're ready to set the date for good.

And then we just may tell other people about it. I wonder how the reactions will be.

I wonder if the way we're dealing with getting married is strange. We don't plan a party, we surely won't invite a lot of people. We don't even know if there are going to be rings... although I'm pretty sure I want one.
Are we unromantic? Hurried?

Basically I just think that although we're not planning to celebrate that day like a lot of people would think appropriate, it is important to us. I have my mind settled on that date for very emotional reasons and I don't think I can wait another year. It's neither romantic nor rational.

But, I think it's a statement which is important to both of us. It's us saying: 'This is the person I want to spend my life with.' I don't need a big audience to do it, nor a big party. And though that may seem strange to some people, it doesn't seem so strange to me.

4,172 Reading Lists

Since I have a hard time choosing a new book to read anyway, I have somehow turned to reading lists of different sorts to help me make my choices.

The first and most important one is the list of recommendations I got from blog readers. Of the 12 books recommended I have already read five and am just reading the sixth. So far I haven't been disappointed with a single one recommended.

Then there are the 2004 Puddly Awards, another list with the fifty books readers voted their favorite book in 2004. Since there is another fifity books the staff of Powell's considered their favorite books, we altogether have another 100 books that I can (and will) read. Fortunately there are some books in both lists and even more fortunately I have already read quite a few, so I guess it comes down to, what?, about 80 books to read this year.

Then, of course, there's the 100 Best Novels of the 20th Century bookmark I got when I was in New York nearly six years ago and still carry around and carefully mark the little boxes whenever I have read a book that's on it. I also have the Nonfiction bookmark, but I don't know if I will ever dare to even try to complete that one. The Varieties of Religious Experience by Williams James? Yeah, right.

And last but not least I have the complete kommentiertes Vorlesungsverzeichnis (basically a list with all the seminars held with short descriptions) of the English Department of Cologne University which offers me another nice reading list, both for lingustic books and novels.

That said, I have a lot to do this year. And I don't even have to choose any books myself. I just have to choose which book from which list I am going to read next. And that's surely hard enough for someone like me.

Things That Drive You Crazy

A sneeze that won't come out.

'Nuff said.

About Anime Weather

Because Caitlin asked, I will tell her (and you).

Anime weather is a term Andreas and I use frequently to describe that special kind of weather that reminds us of Japanese (what else) anime TV shows. Now I have only watched one anime series complete, but you don't need to be an expert in animes to recognize anime weather.

There has to be wind, that's for sure and it's best when there's something (beside your hair) the wind can move in lovely patterns.
Something else is either: preferably pink petals, snowflakes or autumn-colored red and yellow leaves.

The most important thing is that the wind is so soft and yet strong enough to make whatever is falling down fly slowly through the air in circles and loops instead of just plain falling down to earth.

So, in that particular case a few days ago, the snow was merely falling down. It was dancing in front of my window. Rising up and down over and over again before finally and after a long journey settling down on the ground. It's one of the most beautiful and peaceful things, anime weather.

Recurring Themes

Lately I have really vivid dreams. I don't know if it's the stress or the excitement or my sickness, I'm just having really vivid dreams. And not all of them are nice.

Still I won't bother to write them all down, especially since they are so fucked-up, strange and weird that it's nearly impossible to retell them. Most of all I remember waking up and being thankful that it was just a dream.

But this I will tell:
Two nights ago I dreamed something about me wanting to get home by train. I was somewhere south of Cologne and the train didn't go to where I live, so I knew I had to change trains at Cologne.
I got off and the whole station was a crowded crazy maze. There were stairs to the platforms all around. I tried to find out where my train was leaving and once I knew I hurried to where I thought the platform was, but I couldn't find it. I also remember running up some stairs only to find that they ended in a wall.
I got so frustrated and desperate because I wanted to get home and I was stuck at this crazy station and couldn't see a way to get home.

All in all there are three recurring themes in my dreams. Three themes that my dreams come back to every now and then and I always wake up relieved that I was just dreaming.

The first theme is not being able to get home or as a slight variation being very far away from home and wanting to get there real fast. Sometimes I'm just stuck at some place and I can't get away. One time I was in France with my family, but the boyfriend was still home and I knew I couldn't stay another day and wanted to leave immediately. But the prospect of such a long trip was upsetting enough.

The second theme is the boyfriend walking away. I've had several of these dreams and I all hate them equally. I don't recall any details, but it's always the boyfriend walking away from me, not reacting to me shouting or crying and leaving me alone whereever I am in that dream.

The third theme is people not taking me seriously. It's always someone (or several people) I really care about like my mother or the boyfriend or my aunts. I try to tell them something or talk to them, but they just won't listen to me. Or they do listen to me but don't give a shit about what I want. Those dreams usually end with me breaking down crying and sobbing and then sometimes I get a little attention.


Now, what does that say about me?