Lately I have really vivid dreams. I don't know if it's the stress or the excitement or my sickness, I'm just having really vivid dreams. And not all of them are nice.
Still I won't bother to write them all down, especially since they are so fucked-up, strange and weird that it's nearly impossible to retell them. Most of all I remember waking up and being thankful that it was just a dream.
But this I will tell:
Two nights ago I dreamed something about me wanting to get home by train. I was somewhere south of Cologne and the train didn't go to where I live, so I knew I had to change trains at Cologne.
I got off and the whole station was a crowded crazy maze. There were stairs to the platforms all around. I tried to find out where my train was leaving and once I knew I hurried to where I thought the platform was, but I couldn't find it. I also remember running up some stairs only to find that they ended in a wall.
I got so frustrated and desperate because I wanted to get home and I was stuck at this crazy station and couldn't see a way to get home.
All in all there are three recurring themes in my dreams. Three themes that my dreams come back to every now and then and I always wake up relieved that I was just dreaming.
The first theme is not being able to get home or as a slight variation being very far away from home and wanting to get there real fast. Sometimes I'm just stuck at some place and I can't get away. One time I was in France with my family, but the boyfriend was still home and I knew I couldn't stay another day and wanted to leave immediately. But the prospect of such a long trip was upsetting enough.
The second theme is the boyfriend walking away. I've had several of these dreams and I all hate them equally. I don't recall any details, but it's always the boyfriend walking away from me, not reacting to me shouting or crying and leaving me alone whereever I am in that dream.
The third theme is people not taking me seriously. It's always someone (or several people) I really care about like my mother or the boyfriend or my aunts. I try to tell them something or talk to them, but they just won't listen to me. Or they do listen to me but don't give a shit about what I want. Those dreams usually end with me breaking down crying and sobbing and then sometimes I get a little attention.
Now, what does that say about me?
