I'd never have thought that this whole job-decision thing would make me feel so bad. It's making me sick, really, and half of the time I feel like I can't breathe.
It's not that I don't know how lucky I am, because I do. And I'm thankful for that, but it doesn't make the hard part go away.
I'm just so fucking scared that whatever I will decide would be the wrong thing. I can either take the job here and always wonder what it would've been like if for once in my life I'd taken a risk with a prospect of getting a job I might actually like. Or I could take the new job and be fired after a few month which would leave me with no job at all and therefore no money. The problem is I just don't know.
Should I be fearless or should I be wise? Should I be selfish or not? What am I supposed to do?
PS: Sorry for the whining. I just can't help it these days. I honestly cried yesterday because I felt so thrown back to where I started. I thought everything was sure and I knew what to do and then everything changed again and I was back in the choosing game.
PPS: If you don't want to read any of my whiny job decision entries anymore, please do. I totally understand.
